The Katican Dreaming

Posts Tagged ‘Reflection

ok

Posted on: September 21, 2009

Things I can’t say,
Things I can’t show,

I write them down here..

I said I am okay, when all I need is a shoulder to cry on.

How to say what to say when to say where to say how much to say how little to say how deep to say how shallow to say how fast to say how slow to say how to say..

Art of conversation? Maybe best is don’t say at all. haha

It’s only the 3rd week..and I am already exhausted…

It’s both good and bad.

I am puzzled..and even troubled..by some of my interpersonal interations with some people around me.

Is it me? Did I do something wrong? If I’ve said something wrong I apologise. But why the sudden change of attitude?
I am really not good at this.
Here I am,
A confused Kat..

Against all adversaries..we need strength, encouragement, hope and empathy.

Thanks for providing me what I lacked in a time which is significant to me, even though it could be so unimportant to the rest. After weeks of having a dangling feeling in my stomach, finally the dust has settled and my heart is no longer in my throat. I got what I wanted in the end and in the process, learnt certain things that broke my heart.

But I will not blame anyone, in fact I feel sorry for the things that I didn’t know or probably did inappropriately under the circumstances. Communication is important to me, as well as understanding. I don’t seek your understanding this time as it might to be too much to ask from.

I am teaching myself to lower my expectations, to speak and think less and listen more.

I am telling myself to be strong, to be happy, to be content with the things in life even though the going can be so tough and even though sometimes the people closest to me always hurt me the most.

Please don’t give up on me.

I need some love, more than you would think.

HOW?

Posted on: August 23, 2009

I guess I will just have to live with certain things and learn to breathe.

Nothing more should be said and I should just treasure whatever is given.

I felt anguished, disappointed, guilty, detached, frustrated, angry, helpless, hopeless, exhausted & lonely all in one day.

I cried and laughed all in one day. Sometimes it is hard not to feel like a robot, going through the motion of day to day life involuntarily. And then at the very end of it is death and eternal bliss. However, the only resurrection of the day is that I exercised self control. I have been very good at that recently. I guess eventually it will lead to less pain, as lessons have taught me before.
We are all learning as we go along. The only thing I need to learn right now, is to focus more on myself and the current tasks at hand. It’s time to change things and get out of this state of emotional unrest.
Let me find my redemption, soon.
P.S.: Thanks to my friends who had shown me concern and support. I do appreciate everything and anything. 🙂
With love,
Kat


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